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The Blond Kid Chronicle
5 November 2007
Let it snow!
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Wisconsin

All you non-northerners, eat your hearts out:  We're getting a rain/snow mix today.  The temps nose-dived, and in fact we have been waking up to frost every morning this month so far.  ISN'T IT EXCITING?!?!? 

It's interesting, and probably typical, how enjoyable the promise of snow is in November as compared to when it just won't stop in late March.  But November has something that March definitely does not:  Holiday.  Oh sure, March has St Patrick's Day, but that doesn't even make the list of Warm-and-Cozy, let alone top it.  And besides, in March we've seen nothing but winter for months on end.  In early November, snow is like a visit from an old friend.

The trees are brown or bare, the Halloween blitz is behind us, and here we are in November.  Ready to carve that pumpkin for something much more satisfying:  a delicious Thanksgiving pie.  That the weather outside is frightful?  Makes the home that much more delightful.  (Clearly, I haven't looked at my propane bill yet.)


Posted by Amy at 9:47 AM CST
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24 October 2007
Accent Grave
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Wisconsin

It would seem that I've lived in Wisconsin long enough to develop The Accent.  At least, that's what my Iowa relatives tell me.  My kids, two of whom were BORN here, and all three of which have lived here for the majority of their formative years, talk like natives.  Let me give you some examples:

What are you talking about?   In Wisconsin speak, this sounds like What are yoo talking aboat?

I know.  It was in June.  I knOH.  It was in Jooon.

She drank from the fountain.  She drank from the bubbler.

And, because I'm an Iowa native, my Wisconsin friends just Looove how I say "We'll be going out on Halloween for tricks-or-treats."  Because, apparently, it's trick-or-treats.  As in, one trick.  Singular.  Whatever.

So basically, I'm caught between two language heritages.  Oh, and throw in that one year we spent in Pennsylvania ("Whattaya DOin'?"), and I pretty much have issues.  What can I say?  I am America.  And I dOHn' wanna talk abOAT it.


Posted by Amy at 11:54 PM CDT
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11 April 2007
Pa would call this a Sugar Snow.
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Wisconsin

Here we are in the middle of April, and it's snowing to beat the band.  We woke up to a white ground, low visibility, and the sense that we'd travelled back in time to January. 

In the "Little House in the Big Woods" Laura's family travels through the Wisconsin woods to join relatives in a sugar maple grove for a Sugar Snow harvest - an extra run on account of the weather's relapse into winter.  That's Wisconsin.  Weather galore.

This morning the kids' bus ran late - so late, in fact, that I started looking up school cancellations.  We started our day with warm sausages and eggs and hot drinks, the kids bundling into snow pants and boots before heading out to meet the bus (which came 20 minutes late because the bus wouldn't start).  We're back to visions of snowmen and scarves and mittens at a time when we should be planning our garden and reserving campground space.  While it's true that the snow flying mostly has me rolling my eyes ("here we go again"), I must admit that when I first looked out the window this morning to see the yard gone in a blanket of white?  My eyes went wide and a smile crept up my face.  For there is nothing, NOTHING, like the sight of an unexpected snow to revert one back to childhood, and that feeling that fun stuff was out there awaiting...and that just maybe (maybe?) school would be cancelled.

Ah, Sugar Snow.


Posted by Amy at 7:59 AM CDT
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22 February 2007
Ashen Wednesday.
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Wisconsin

ashen - ASH - uhn - adj.:  the pallid appearance that usually precludes throwing up.

Ash Wednesday.  That gateway into the liturgical season most famous for its guilt-induced abstinences:  Lent.  For me personally, Lent is closely associated with the part of the natural seasons that I hate most:  The waning, final months of winter.  Typically falling in late February and March, Lent is inseparable with the wearisome gloom of the dirty snow, the gray skies, the dirge-like continuance of cold, the browned foliage that hasn't seen life in over five months.  Ash Wednesday?  Means you're only beginning that long passage toward Easter and spring's relief.

Spiritually speaking, Ash Wednesday is when Christians prepare themselves for the coming of Lent - a time reminiscent of Christ's 40 days in the wildnerness, facing temptaions and raw needs and self-denial.  The ashes themselves come from last year's Palm Sunday palms.  On Ash Wednesday, we file into church, line up at the altar, and inevitably walk away with a mark on the forehead:  A cross, painted in ash.  (And, doesn't it seem, whoever it is you have to look at during the remainder of the service will invariably have that big flake of ash fluttering, half stuck to the skin and half-threatening to float off, so that you either have avert your eyes or resist the urge to pluck it?)

The ash cross is, thus, the mark of Ash Wednesday.  The receiving of the mark is itself ceremonious, but the outward beacon to the world is also part of the deal.  Imagine the looks when, last night, I did what any respectable Methodist would do following Ash Wednesday service:  I went to the bar. 

But.  Anyway.  All religious meaning aside, it is Ash Wednesday that takes the bottom rung on my ladder of favorites of the church calendar.  It is the precursor to smelling greasy fish every Friday night at every restaurant in town, to six weeks of the dreariest songs in the church hymnal, to reflecting about all that's wrong with us, to watching the snow fly when we finally want it to melt.  Ash Wednesday is the pallor before the spiritual purge.

So today, I woke up officially in the Lenten season.  Being a good Methodist, I opened my "40 Days' Journey" to find, suprisingly, that it simply requested me to make a list of five things for which I'm thankful.  Really?  I can do that.  (Can you?)  And, to be honest, the ten minutes of observed silence during last night's worship?  Was the quietest ten minutes I'd had in, like...nine years.  It was glorious.  Fish fry Friday night?  Sounds kinda yummy. 

Now.  If someone could just do something about the weather.  But, you know, the poor bastards out on Lake Menomin in their fishing shanties...well, I suppose they'd have to get their fish on Friday nights like everyone else.


Today's 5 things I'm thankful for:
1.  Life itself
2.  My husband, who folded the laundry, not knowing it was dirty.
3.  My happy children, who remind me just how happy they are when they sing
4.  Diversity - otherwise travel would be so boring
5.  School - even though the kids wouldn't agree


Posted by Amy at 9:18 AM CST
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10 November 2006
We bring to you now: Winter
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Wisconsin

Hello, Winter, you bastard.  Four inches of snow, delivered right to my door step.  Sunsets at 4:45.  Devoting 20 minutes to dressing my kids in snowpants, gloves, hats, boots, and coats upon every departure.  Feeling like my Christmas shopping should be done.  Constant cravings for sugary, warm drinks.  Influenza.  Bad roads.  Knowing this will go on for the next five months.

Looks like my mug is half empty, doesn't it?  Because I'm not in the mood to mention things like breathtaking trees, cozy hooded sweatshirts, and the quiet beauty of falling snowflakes.  And the yummy warm drinks. 

If I can just flip Winter the bird right off the bat, I'll get it over with, out of my system, ready to go.  So.  Winter?  Bite me. 

There.  All better.  Now bring on the hot cocoa.


Posted by Amy at 4:25 PM CST
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23 October 2006
Heading south is for the birds
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Wisconsin

We woke up to snow this morning.  Happy Wisconsin!  You southerners can keep your warm weather.  I've found two new reasons to be happily settled Up Nort'.

1.  Killer bees.  These imports have found their way to the American Southwest.  They are the product of African bees, accidentally released into the wilds of Brazil, that mated with tamer honeybees.  Naturally aggressive, these bees have been found to be eleven times more persistent in their attacks than regular honeybees.  Then they flew north and made a home in the southern U.S.  That's right; don't go jogging in the sandhills alone.  Your obituary just might read "Death By Bees."

2.  Fire ants.  Introduced to the United States in the 1930's, the Red Imported Fire Ant (RIFA) has invaded southern America ever since.  Especially attracted to electrical currents, these pests find their way into control boxes and power utility buildings and wreak havoc.  Or else they crawl on human skin and bite.  Either way, not so pleasant.

And these things?  Wisconsin doesn't have them.  It's one advantage of those cold, lengthy WI winters.  You southerners can keep your sunshine.  And your evil critters.  Up here we'll be cozying up inside our peaceful homes and enjoying the carpet of snow out our windows.


Posted by Amy at 9:56 AM CDT
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20 September 2006
One frost, and I'm all Christmas
Mood:  bright
Topic: Wisconsin

Last night, my kids and I pulled nine large pumpkins out of the garden, set them in a row by the garden gate, and snapped about a dozen photos of the kids in various poses amid said pumpkins.  We then hauled them to the garage (or, technically, let Jason do it) to ride out the frosty night in safe storage. 

This morning, on the cusp of the autumnal equinox, we awoke to the glitter of a first frost.  The flip-flops were put away and the jackets were taken off their hooks, and the kids' breath puffed in small clouds before them as they waited for the bus.

And there is this sense in me today that I must bustle about, preparing the house for something.  I think it might be Christmas.  Yes, I have this urge to pull out tinsel and lights, or at the very least, shopping lists.  Perhaps it's the disappointment of our last two Halloweens that inclines me to skip all the jack-o-lanterns and head straight for the season of merry.  Whatever it is, it must stop.  Getting ahead of oneself is never advisable.  Especially with a toddler in the house (four months of pulling Tobey out of the ornaments?  I don't think so).

Or, perhaps, it's the glitter of frost and the promise of a long, cold winter that has instilled in me a silent peace, a comfort that I feel in my own home with the furnace on and my slow cooker emitting aromas and the puff of steam that comes out of the dryer vent (don't y'all love that?).  It's the reminder that summer is over, CAPUT, and I can finally put away the beach bag and sunscreen, and the sand can finally stay in the sandbox as opposed to all over the floor.

Yes, fall is good.  Winter will be good.  Bring it on.  (But, you know, maybe keep the Christmas c.d.'s in their boxes for now.)


Posted by Amy at 9:09 AM CDT
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16 September 2006
Everybody Polka!
Mood:  party time!
Topic: Wisconsin

It's Oktoberfest!  Ah yes, time to break out the Liederhosen and do the polka.  Um, we don't really have Liederhosen.  So let's just skip right to the polka part.

We took the kids to the Leinie's Oktoberfest last night.  Witnessed the sauerkraut contest (AS IF), strolled through the displays of German steins and costumes and what-not, smelled the brats and the...sauerkraut. 

But our favorite part, the piece of Oktoberfest we look forward to, is the polka tent.  It's the one time per year when polka is actually cool. Really, it amounts to Audrey and I on the dance floor with the boys sitting out until the first strains of the "Chicken Polka."  But, this must be said:  My girl can shake a leg.  She shakes a lot more than that, but we'll dismiss that fact for now.  (And poles - the ones holding up the tent - WHY OH WHY does this girl love to dance on poles?  Makes her daddy cringe, that's for sure.) 

So anyway.  Audrey.  Dancing.  Not just holding hands and rocking from foot to foot, I mean WATCH OUT, JOHN TRAVOLTA.  We made the ice capades look like a wax museum.  Jumps, dips, twirls, and much laughter.  Nevermind the sweat on our brow, or the people dodging our sporadic movements; it was just me and my girl, gettin' jiggy to the oom-pah.

(And all this will either be a lot easier when she's taller, or a lot harder on my back.  Knowing Auds, I'm guessing the latter.)


Posted by Amy at 2:36 PM CDT
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10 August 2006
So now I can check that off my list
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Wisconsin

The county fair is in town, and last night Jason came home with free tickets to the demolition derby.  So we piled in the Freestar and headed to the fairgrounds...yes, all of us. 

 I've never seen so many rednecks in one place at a time in my life.  We found some seats surprisingly near the front and settled in.  The people behind us showed up with a 24 pack of Miller High Life (the concession stands sold WHOLE BOXES of domestic beer).  The people sitting in front of us smelled so bad that I kept checking Tobey's diaper. 

The event itself was loud and raucous.  I spent much of it with one eye squinted and my hands over Tobey's ears.  Our seats, it turned out, were prime for getting muddy.  The kids were enthralled.  For that matter, it was like watching a car wreck, you know, several times over.  There was the car that had flames shooting out its hood.  There was the pick-up that got pushed out of the arena.  Fenders broken!  Tires missing!  (Teeth missing!)  And the more the cars got hit, the happier the crowd got.  It was as though they were HOPING to witness death.  In the end a winner was announced (and how they came to the conclusion they did, I'll never know), and the stands opened up and spewed drunken jerks into the fairgrounds.  Jason turned to me and said, "Wasn't really your kind of crowd was it?"  Ya think?  You so owe me a night at the symphony, Buster.  To which Jason then said, "Let's go look in the livestock barns next."  (SERENITY NOW...)

This morning, I ran into a friend of mine.  She said last night her husband came home saying, You'll never BELIEVE who I saw at the demo derby... 

Tell me about it.


Posted by Amy at 1:46 PM CDT
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9 August 2006
A Slice of Summer
Mood:  happy
Topic: Wisconsin

Every Tuesday night during June, July, and part of August, a throng will gather in a small park the size of one city block.  All will turn their folding chairs and strollers and blankets toward a corner of said park where stands a bandshell.  A director will come forth, introduce a sea of red jackets holding various musical instruments, and the band will play.  Children romp.  Seniors smile.  Mothers stroll.  Friends gather.  Under the shelter, a church group will sell slices of pie and root beer floats.  The Lions Club offers popcorn for $1 a bag.  And right before intermission, the band will play "The Teddy Bears' Picnic," and all the children will line up at one end of the stage, climb the steps one by one, march across the stage to the opposite stairs, and then cross the lawn to do it again.

It's a scene right out of a James Agee essay, only it isn't Knoxville; this is happening right here in our corner of Wisconsin. 

When the kids and I head for Bandshell Park in early June, it's like Summer, the Debutante, is making its grand entrance; school has just released its youthful prisoners for what seems like an endless span of freedom ahead.  Everyone gathers at the park with a sense of readiness, an eagerness for the full summer in store.  And that summer happens to include lovely Tuesday evenings with a marching band, some friends, and a slice of pie.  By July, our summer in full swing, the tunes patriotic, the town has settled into its Tuesday evenings like one settles into a hammock: comfortable, smiling, and with no where better to go.

As we piled out of the van last night, the warm summer breeze cloaked us with the familiar sounds from the park.  We situated ourselves on a blanket among the oak trees and the other patrons, greeting the passers-by with "Hello" and "How have you been?" and discussing how quickly the summer has gone.  For it is now August, and we were taking in the band's final concert for the year.  The kids, as usual, held out their hands to collect my dollars and distribute them among the Lions Club's popcorn stand and the Lutheran church's pie table.  Tobey ran around the blanket, happy to be simultaneously outdoors and within his mother's reach. 

Right before intermission, the director gave his customary announcement that precedes the children's march, always concluding with the warning, "Whatever you do, don't touch the director."  And the kids queued by the steps and marched along the stage and crossed the lawn to do it again.  Then the band spilled out of its shell for a break, and we found our beloved flute player, and we chatted about goings-on at home and at church.  And then intermission was over, and the band struck up once more, and the evening light announced that the sun had set, and so should my children.  The kids said good-bye to their playmates, and we picked up our blanket, steered the stroller toward the van, and piled back in.  And as we did so, Summer exhaled its tired sigh.  The birds, today dining on spilled popcorn, are growing restless.  And so, really, are we.

In a few short weeks - a blink on the calendar - my children will board the school bus and the academic year will begin anew.  Our thoughts will turn to autumn and pumpkins and, eventually, to snow and winter.  Summer will be a long-forgotten dream. 

That is, until June, when the lawn chairs are again taken out of their garages, and those red jackets again come out of closets, and my children again leave the quilt-beneath-the-trees with dollars in hand and summer in mind. 

Garrison Keillor, eat your heart out.


Posted by Amy at 1:58 PM CDT
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