Mood:  a-ok

There are two good reasons I haven't blogged much lately:  1. I have no time to write.   While it doesn't take me long to type an entry once the thought is formed, who has time to think?  2. My material is getting pretty fluffy.  I attribute this to a ridiculously full life and a sense of contentment that, quite frankly, makes for unmemorable writing.  Let's face it: Dark material makes good writing.  But who wants to read another person's version of happy?  Puke.

Recently I turned 35.  My thirties have been glorious, Dear Readers.  My blessings are sickeningly abundant.  (See?  Puke.)  So to be SMACK in the middle of them has left me almost giddy.  I'm not just mid-life, I'm amid life!  Squarely in the middle between a dreamy, imperfect past that has led me to this precise precipice (say that nine times fast!) that looks out on a sunny future.  Barring any unforeseen, out-of-control circumstances, I'm looking at a pretty damned good life.

Are there road bumps ahead?  Certainly.  Which is exactly why the view from the top of the hill right now - the one with the green grass and roses in bloom - needs appreciating.

Because come Thursday, school is over and my kids are home for the summer.  And we all know what that means:  Better writing material. 

(P.S.  This is also our 13th wedding anniversary today.  While the symbolism wasn't planned, I can honestly say that for our 13th anniversary I gave my husband a blender.  I know.  He loved it.)

Posted by Amy at 10:19 AM CDT

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Mood:  cool

It's official: I am the coolest mom on the planet.  My Black Friday shopping addictions have come to a head in the form of a Nintendo Wii, the newest baby of the family.

Allowance is the term commonly used to describe the process by which young children earn a small wage from their parents.  By my standards, I'm already allowing my kids to eat the meals I cook, to sleep in the beds I make, and basically to lavish their status as spoiled children with a subservient, leave-it-to-Beaver mom.  However, the kids have sought peace with their father through the practice of allowances; it has worked.  They enjoy the negotiating as much as Jason enjoys the authoritative power of awarding or denying payment based on his sound judgement of effort and result. 

Which brings us to the deal of the year:  Replacing allowance dollars with the promise of a Wii.  The kids tend to accumulate junk as their menial salaries burn holes in their pockets; Jason and I are tired of the junk.  This compromise had a real ring to it for both parents.  I'm a bit of a gamer myself.  The lure of the wireless remote and hi-def graphics...well, Jason had me at W--.

Instantly we noted a remarkable change in Hunter; whisper "Wii" to a 10-year-old boy, and suddenly he's all Mister Responsibility.  Audrey had less interest invested, but she was a willing sport.  By late February, we were ready to cash in on the promise.

Only, this: Ever tried to purchase a Wii?  It is like the Cabbage Patch Doll craze of the late 80's; the suckers have a 2-hour shelf life at any store.  We met countless messages of this sort: "Due to high demand of the Nintendo Wii, we regret we are out of stock.  Sorry for the inconvenience."  And it remained like this for weeks.

Until today.  Two weeks ago we were tipped off that the local Shopko was due for a fresh shipment on March 9.  At 7:00 this morning I called Shopko and indiscreetly asked, Are there any Wii's?  To which the reply was, A few.  With my heart in my throat, I was on my way.

The Shopko parking lot was empty; this was good.  The store hadn't been stormed.  At long last a sales rep found me waiting at the electronics counter:  Wii in stock.  I claimed, I conquered.  In fact, I bought the last Wii Zapper, the last ultra-popular Wii Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, and an extra Wii remote on sale.  In other words, the kids' "allowance" cost the equivalent of an entire month's pay from my church job. 

I felt pretty cool walking out to the van with a Wii in the bag.  After a couple more errands (blissfully child-free!), I drove home, walked in the door, and announced, "I have some good news and some bad news.  The good news: I bought a Wii.  The bad news: We have to leave for church now."  I know. 

We have now spent a day with the Wii, including an afternoon when Hunter seldom came up for food or drink or social contact.  Tobey can even run the Wii Zapper, and Audrey...has barely gotten a chance.  I haven't even picked the thing up yet (Tomorrow, tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow!).  Jason played Wii games the entire time the rest of us were at church.

This one is going to be hard to top.  As for the chores and behavior, we have the steady and lingering threat of revoking Wii priveleges.  I may well be the first mom to hope her kids slip up in their chores.  Because that is the only way I will ever get to play the darn thing.

Posted by Amy at 8:22 PM CST

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Mood:  a-ok

Aahh.  The tree is down.  The parties are thrown, the presents open, the concerts performed.  Christmas HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.  I officially put away (hid) the c.d. with the barking dogs singing "Jingle Bells."

That January is considered by many to be a let-down is reverse thinking, in my opinion.  I, for one, am grateful to have the doldrums of winter upon us. 

Because the way I think, boring is a very nice change.  That's not to say that I'm not steeped in rehearsals, kids' activities, and - well, life.  But in a much slower sense than the mayhem of December.

Happy January!

Posted by Amy at 2:08 PM CST

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Mood:  celebratory

While you are all still meditating over what to post under the Movie Theme question, allow me to share with you a few Blond Kid 2007 highlights.

1. The Disney World vacation ranks at the top.  What could ever beat Audrey fawning over Sleeping Beauty, Tobey rubbing noses with Lilo, or Hunter taking a pie to the face?
2. Pioneering a local men's chorus has long been something I'd intended to do; finally in 2007, I did it.  You're looking at (well, sort of) the director of the vocally-talented Men In Black.  (I did NOT pick the name, and yes I have seen the movie...) 
3. Despite the shredded raingear incident, I'd have to cite Jason's and my motorcycle trip in August as a highlight.  Enough, in fact, that I bought him a new Harley-Davidson Road Trip Atlas.
4. Our annual Westock was rained on and cold, but how can I discount being together with a hundred of my closest friends?
5. No more diapers for this family:  Tobey is a potty trained big boy. 
6. AUDREY IS BLANKIE FREE.  (Hell just froze over, folks.  Bundle up.)
7. The new beautiful Kawai piano.
8. Hunter sweetly volunteering for Mystery Reader in Audrey's kindergarten class last May.
9. Making it up to 3.5 miles on the tread mill (shut up, I'm not that athletic).
10. I have to say it:  Another year with the crazy Blond Kids.  I just love watching those buggers grow up, even if I teasingly beg them not to.

Posted by Amy at 11:38 PM CST

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Mood:  accident prone

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

Whatever, people.  Let me fill you in on Christmas, Blond Kid style:

5:45 p.m. Christmas Eve.  We had pulled in the garage at 2:30 that morning after a long, harried drive back from Iowa.  Jason had worked a full day, and at 3:00 was dragging from fatigue.  So, the drive to town for milk and eggs was put off until he rubbed his eyes open two and a half hours later.  Guess what, friends, all the stores close at 6:00 on Christmas Eve, and it's a 15-minute drive to town.  I got groceries at a gas station.

6:45 p.m.  Jason was instructed to heat up the fondue pot for when I got home.  We didn't know it was going to take me an hour to buy milk.  So for Christmas Eve, we had Scary Fondue.  Scary Fondue is when you put your meat in the oil and it flares up, scorching your food to a crisp in under 3 seconds.  Scary Fondue means the flames roar up and send your peaceful, cozy family reeling from the dinner table.  Scary Fondue is not a Christmas Eve tradition.

7:30 p.m.  I declared that I had just completed my last load of laundry until December 26.

8:05 p.m.  Send the kids to bed early, folks, it's Christmas Eve!  The Blond Kids were more than happy to go to bed.  Now, getting to sleep is another matter.  Which brings us to...

9:49 p.m.  The kids were all still awake.  Hunter was pressuring himself so hard to fall asleep that he was preventing exactly that.  Tobey only had his mind on those Christmas cookies sitting on the table, and wondering if he could get to them before Santa did.  Audrey was complaining of a tummy ache.

9:50 p.m.  I looked at the clock and thought to myself, I'd better start getting ready for the Christmas Eve church service.

9:51 p.m.  Audrey threw up in her bed.  I put Audrey in the bath tub and started a load of laundry.

10:14 p.m.  I realized I was running late for the 10:30 rehearsal preceeding Christmas Eve service.

11:25 p.m.  After two days of sleep deprivation, I sang O Holy Night in duet with a baritone; I could have passed for the baritone.

12:00 a.m.  Christmas Day. Jason jumped nine feet when I walked into our bedroom as he was mid-assembly of a gift from Santa.

12:05 a.m.  As I reached into our stash of Santa gifts, I accidentally guillotined my foot on Hunter's new snowboard, causing me to set off a string of cuss words at an indiscreet decibel level.

12:40 a.m.  We completed the assembly and presentation of one dollhouse, one train set, and an electric guitar.  And one #$&@ snowboard.  Santa and Mrs. Claus then celebrated with shots of brandy and tequila.

12:45 a.m.  Hunter got up to go to the bathroom and couldn't get back to sleep. 

1:20 a.m.  Hunter still wasn't asleep.

4:00 a.m.  Audrey threw up.

7:38 a.m.  From deep sleep I heard the sound of little footsteps, and went from REM to up the stairs in 0.9 seconds to find the kids ransacking their stockings.

7:45 a.m.  I made everyone wait at the top of the stairs while I went to the bathroom, applied eye drops, and brewed a pot of coffee.  (Shut up, this is the honest truth.)

8:40 a.m.  All the presents had been opened and our family room looked like it was carpeted in discarded wrapping paper.

9:00 a.m.  I made breakfast, did the dishes, then did another load of laundry.

It's true, a Blond Kid Christmas is a messy one.  It's amazing how all that cooking and baking and shopping and wrapping and planning and preparing...can boil down to 45 minutes of excited surprises.  But, you know, then a week of busily playing children, assuming the stomach flu doesn't strike us all in turn (which every logic tells me it will, but what is one to do?). 

As for me, my favorite two gifts were: 1) a pair of earrings from Audrey: My glam girl has a way of whipping the frump out of her earthy, pragmatic mother.  It has been YEARS since I've asked for or received jewelry for any occasion, and I have to admit seeing something sparkle from a little box filled me with feminine glee; and 2) a set of Halloween scarecrows from Tobey:  Jason said he was set on getting those for Mommy, no talking him out of that.  There is no doubt that gift was from the heart.

It is nearly dark outside already.  The snow has been lightly falling all afternoon, like a movie set depicting a perfect Christmas.  Flu and scarecrows and a broken toe, well.  Close enough.  I know when to count my blessings.

Merry Christmas to all...and to all a Good Night!

Posted by Amy at 4:15 PM CST

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Mood:  happy

Ah, Halloween is nearly upon us.  That glorious holiday!  Barring any unforeseen illnesses (so far, so good) my troops and I will be out among the crunchy leaves, decked out in our goblinery. 

This year our costumes are:
Hunter - The Angel of Death (and, damn - it is COOL!)
Audrey - A Red Phantom (which does not come from any show that I am aware of; this is in fact a hand-me-down from Hunter that Audrey claimed the minute it was outgrown)
Tobey - a dinosaur
Amy - a witch (shut up)
Jason - a, um, veterinarian

I have to admit it's a little disappointing to go as a witch.  It is only the most overdone costume EVER.  But mine is both paid for (years ago) and not too scary for the kids.  And hey, green hair!  One year I did the fishnet stockings/short black skirt but late October this far north is not kind to skimpy dress.  Would YOU want to tricks-or-treat wearing fishnet stockings?  It's a rhetorical question, by the way. 

So every year I come up with my Would-Have-Been costume.  That is the character I would LOVE to say I am for Halloween, but either it's too much work to find the costume or too much money.  Usually both.  And anyway, I tend to have obscure tastes.  For example, this year my Would-Have-Been costume is Tom Bombadil.  (I'll give you a minute.  Still thinking?  Here's a hint:  Tolkien.  Another hint:  Never made the movie.)  Being a reading geek, I fell in love with Tom Bombadil from Fellowship of the Ring long before Peter Jackson decided to leave him out of the film.  He is a resident of the Old Forest between Brandybuck and Bree.  (See?  Geek.)  And he speaks in delicious rhyming nonsense.  Believe me, there have been Halloweens when I ended the night speaking nonsense (delicious, not so much; maybe more like retching nonsense).  But to dress as Tom Bombadil would run the risk of being catalogued a random old man - albeit a cheerful, wise, and magical one.  But still.  How do you pull that off in the middle of a gym full of winged-and-masked preschoolers?

I suspect I'm not alone in my Halloween wonderings, so if you have a Would-Have-Been costume you'd finally like recognized, please take note of that comments button at the bottom of the post.  As for us, I know Hunter has thousands of ideas of things he'd like to be on Halloween (and only one night!).  Audrey?  I'm willing to bet she'd go in the type of mermaid costume that would only be warm enough if we tricks-or-treated in Florida.  Here in Wisconsin, the Red Phantom will do just fine.

(Tobey would not only GO as a reptile - which technically he will be - but I'm pretty sure he would like to BE one.)

Happy haunting!  Hey there, ho there!  Down by the willow...

Posted by Amy at 8:13 PM CDT

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Mood:  rushed

Have you missed me?  We have been crazy busy, to say the least.  For the most part it's all been good.  A few virus things thrown in there but not too bad.

As you may or may not have noticed, I've downgraded my Tripod membership.  What this means for you: Seeing advertisements.  What this means for me:  Not paying a monthly fee for something I barely have the time for.  I hope you understand.  Eventually, however, without my Premium status and its lofty allowances, I'm going to reach my bandwidth limit soon.  When that happens, I'm pretty sure this giant shepherd's hook will come up on the screen and yank my blog away.  Or something. 

That being said, I've also been having major writer's block.  It's not that interesting topics aren't coming up.  I just don't seem to have the mental capacity left to form them into blog material.

Then.  I will throw a bone.  I need to discuss with you movies.  And foreign languages.  And this guy from our own little rural Wisconsin town who is running for president.  Unfortunately, I will have to do all this at another time.  But soon, Dear Readers.  Soon.

Posted by Amy at 9:35 AM CDT

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Mood:  happy

Do you remember the time we went camping over Memorial Day and everyone got the flu?  Well.  Let me tell you about our summer trips.  It's safe now, I think, what with summer being blissfully over.

There was the motorcycle trip we took to Superior, WI and Duluth, MN in which the temps plummeted to a brisk 54 degrees, the clouds burst forth in floods of rain, and my rainsuit literally shredded off my body as I was riding bitch.  This was not in November, not March, but in traditionally-hot-and-humid AUGUST.  Who knew.

We all know about the Blankie/Dumpster incident in Harpers Ferry, IA.

And our Labor Day camping excursion was met with a lost campground reservation.  As in, there we were with excited kids and a loaded camper, and the campground did not save us space.  The result of this was our camping in our own backyard for the entire weekend, and it turned out to be the best time EVER.  You know what that means:  Home is where the vacation is.  Sounds good to me.

Posted by Amy at 3:06 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

In the Blond Kid residence, we're officially declaring it summer.  It has nothing to do with solstice, not when there are kids who are newly out of school.  Summer, then, is defined by a blatant lack of schedule coinciding with the type of weather conducive to outdoor swimming.  In other words, NOW.

As a stay-home mom, this means that my workload is heavier during June, July, and August.  It's been my experience that I'm usually longing for September by the second week of school's release.  The sheer increase in noise in the household alone is enough to drive me into a swaying fetal position.  So this year I set foot into summer with a solid goal:  Keep the buggers worn out.  There will be no pent-up, unchannelled energy in my presence. 

Which is why we spent four hours at the local waterpark today.  And why tomorrow the kids will be making their own pancake breakfast, why we will be hiking in the woods all afternoon, and if I can stomach the smell of campfire after last weekend's Flu Fest, ending our day around a fire.

And it will also explain why, come Friday, I am completely spent on creative plans for these buckaroos. 

In the meanwhile, we still have our usual busy-ness to fit into our schedules.  Throw some karate classes, church camp, Father's Day, etc., into the mix, and really the exhaustion doesn't seem too hard to achieve.  In fact...now that I mention it...perhaps it is my own energy that I should be guarding fiercely.  Dear Readers?  Four hours at a waterpark... Good friggin' night.  zzzzzzzzz

Posted by Amy at 9:14 PM CDT

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Mood:  happy

After a three-day sojourn to the Wisconsin Dells, we were quietly settled in for the drive home.  The landscape out the van window was a series of hills peppered with budding trees.  The sun was high and bright, the sky held narry a cloud, and the grass was startlingly vibrant green.  Nevermind that we'd all spent three days steeped in luxury and fun.  Wisconsin is Maying, and we got a front-row seat.

The five of us spent our evening, back home, in the backyard doing our respective backyard things:  Jason mowing, the kids playing in the stream from the hose, and me walking the dog.  We then collected together, sweaty and grass-stained, around the bonfire ring.  The fire crackled as the evening breeze picked up, and we gathered nearer to the warmth, the circle tightening intimately.  We watched the sun go down, the stars come out.  Remarked at the moonless sky.  Set marshmallows ablaze and smelled the sweet aroma of burnt sugar.  Looked up at the low-flying Canadian geese, honking in time with their own family.  Talked of little things, daily things that are at once mundane and full of life, for they speak of our lives together.  Things that we would never expect to remember specifically, years later, but will be recalled in their accumulation:  Do you remember how we would sit together around a fire and talk of school, of work, of home?  How Audrey would make us laugh with her grown-up talk, and Hunter would say something deeply insightful, and Tobey would practically fall asleep standing up?  And then - remember this? - we would put the kids to bed, their feet stained and hair full of sand, and they wouldn't last two minutes.  And then we would go back outside, where we would smile gently in the fire's light, allied together under the vast sky, two charmed people able to reacquaint themselves at last.  Do you remember?

Posted by Amy at 10:32 AM CDT

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